badnew | Application for Eudio

PLAYER INFORMATION

NAME: Harley
AGE: Neolithic
CONTACT: PM
CHARACTERS PLAYED: Kurt Wagner

CHARACTER INFORMATION

NAME: Charlie Kelly
CANON: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
AGE: 30s
CANON POINT: Beginning of Season 5

BACKGROUND: Link
INCENTIVE/FIT: Revisions: In lieu of the waitress, his incentive would likely be to have complete ownership of Paddy's (since he gave away his shares to Dennis and Mac) and to not have to do 'Charlie work' anymore, which is basically all the grunt work. As for intimacy fit -- this should be fun. Charlie has, according to where I'm taking him from (and watched up to), only slept with one girl in high school (Stacy Corvelli), and has possibly purchased the services of prostitutes, but the reality of the deed being done is up in the air. He and Mac paid for prostitutes when they stole Frank's money and mentioned that 'services had already been rendered', but what those services were and who'd actually utilized them is wonky, but he certainly does have an affection for women and has been mentioned as masturbating frequently, so sex itself (the topic of and the follow through) are not foreign to him. It's just a matter of getting him to get that he'll need to do a lot of touching and other things to get what he wants -- the waitress.

SAMPLES:
It was a dark and stormy ni-- no. It was just the power flickering off and on in Paddy's, since someone had forgotten to pay the electric bill again and they were running off a generator. Clearly a genius idea by one Charlie Kelly. Conserve and preserve. That and he wasn't going near that damn fuse box again. He'd peed his pants the last time, which had just added some sort of magical electrical lubricant to make it so that he wound up with a burn mark up his leg to his--

Enough of that. It was time for a beer. So what if he'd already had six? No one was keeping count, here. He came up from where he'd been storing gas canisters in the basement, popping up the bar top and heading behind it to grab a beer. A man was sitting at the counter, tapping on it to try to get his attention. "I'm not the waitress. That's the tall chicken lady over there."

"I don't need a drink," the man said, arms folding on the counter as he looked at Charlie.

Charlie gave him a suspicious look back. "Why are you in a bar if you don't want a drink?"

"Because I have an offer for you, Mister Kelly."

Charlie paused, beer still unopened and spidey senses tingling. "Look, pal, this stopped being a gay bar years ago and I don't swing that way." Crazy gay men and their fetish for his ass...

"Not that kind of offer. Look, why don't you come look at this and we'll see if we can't come to some kind of agreement." The guy pulled out a sheaf of papers, setting them on the bar top and offering them for Charlie to look over.

Clearly the guy didn't know who he was talking to, but Charlie wasn't going to show any ignorance. Well, not intentionally. He came over, looking at the papers and flipping them over, finger dragging across the words and nodding at them. "Uh huh, uh huh. Okay. So... you're looking for... what, exactly? Someone to make your dreams come true?"

The man looked down at the papers, then back up at Charlie. "No. I'm offering to make your dreams come true. We just need a little... something from you."

"Uh huh, okay, right... so does this something involve my butt or have anything to do with butt-related activities?"

"... Not unless you want it to?" The man was clearly a little confused, but he'd also been watching the bar for the last week and wasn't entirely surprised that a certain someone was a little... off.

"Right, okay, so if I don't want any butt-related incidents, would I still get my dreams? What if my dreams involve a certain someone that works at a certain coffee shop?"

This part the man knew how to handle. "Then once you've successfully fulfilled your part of the contract, we can help you get whatever it is your heart desires. If that happens to be a certain... waitress, well, consider it a done deal."

"Wait, wait. You're saying that if I come with you and let you guys do non butt-related incidents to me for an undefined amount of time, you'll make sure that a certain someone will go on a date with me?"

"Yes." Short and sweet. That was the way to keep it with this one.

Charlie's hand came up, scratching at his beard as he looked down at the squibbles that were words on a page, then slapped his hand down on the counter. "Sold! Alright, mister devil man, I will give you one soul for a date with the waitress."

There was a clear sigh from the recruiter. "I don't want your soul, Mister Kelly. Just for you to sign here and come with me for a short while."

"Uh huh. Sign here in blood and give you my soul for the waitress. I'm game."

"N-- no. Just... here. Here's a pen. Sign here."

"Here?"

"No, he-- stop that. Not there. Here."

"Over here, okay."

"That's not even on the paper."

"Right, right, you want it on the paper. Okay. Okay. Here."

"Is that even a sig-- never mind. Come with me."

"Yes sir, Lucifer. Give me my waitress." Because really, only Satan himself could make a deal this good. Charlie was totally comfortable with the idea of losing his soul to get what he wanted. Not like he was doing anything with it anyways. The bar could handle itself without him and he doubted the gang would notice he was gone -- not that he'd actually listened when the recruiter had been telling him about time stopping and alternate dimensions and blah blah blah, seriously, did this guy ever stop talking? "Enough chit chat. Let's go." Why so eager, Charlie? Well, the sooner he did his time, his hard, hard time, the sooner he'd have his sweet, sweet waitress. Logic, right? Right.

ANYTHING ELSE? He can play the piano, survive an abortion, drink too much, do too many drugs and yet still won't die. Borderline immortal here, folks.